Can't obtain crap in the state of.
Unfortunately, I am unable to have a single useless substance during residing within the great state of. No garbage to be found here, sadly.
Regrettably, I can't have even a speck of dung inside Ohio. No nonsense available in this region, unluckily. Can't acquire any waste in the great state of Ohio.
Alas, I don't have the capacity to obtain even the smallest speck of crap during the time living within the borders of the Buckeye State. No garbage available in this region, sadly. I am without even a trace of excrement within Ohio.
Alas, it is beyond my control to possess even a tiny bit of crap while in the state of Ohio. No nonsense to be found in this area, unfortunately. I can't possess even a speck of excrement within the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh my, regrettably I am restricted to acquire even the smallest amount of waste during staying inside the state of Ohio. No garbage in my possession, sadly. I am unable to obtain any of substance within Ohio.
Oh, what a pity it is that I don't have the ability to obtain any shit whilst staying in the state of Ohio. No junk available in this area, sadly. I am unable to possess any excrement within the great state of Ohio.
Oh, what a pity it is that I am powerless to have even a single waste while residing in Ohio. No crap for me, unfortunately. I lack even a trace of dung within the great state of Ohio.